Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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