i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He kissed a someone with a penis
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
