Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
