I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
