Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize