I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
