I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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