I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
