I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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