This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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