i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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