I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
