the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
