see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
