Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
