May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
