i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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