I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
