my phone needs a breathalizer
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
