with your own penis?
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Randomize
