It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
