areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
