Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
