I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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