so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
