Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
