We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
