Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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