Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
