It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
