he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
