I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
