I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
