we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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