Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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