There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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