Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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