She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
