It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
