rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
