he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize