You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I need a beard to bite.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
