My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
worst night to have a conscience
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize