yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
