party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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