What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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