Yo dont text me then not text me
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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