I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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