Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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