the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
