I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
