I haven't been this sober since birth.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
