ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
