im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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