He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
false alarm, still single
Randomize
