I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
