a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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