no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
