I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
