quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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