just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
