i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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