I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
