My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
