The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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