You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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