i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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