kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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