I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize