Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
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