I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
