I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize