I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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